Tuesday, December 30, 2008

An Accounting: Traveling to Utah and Back

We recently returned from a fun filled trip to see both sets of parents, cause anything less, would be uncivilized. There are many things to see and behold on a drive that takes you through Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, and Wyoming.

12. Car wrecks,
11. Tons of road salt [scattered over 1,800 miles],
10. Colorado State Troopers,
9. Cabooseless locomotives,
8. Skiers falling,
7. Frozen waterfalls,
6. Mountain tunnels,
5. Million shoppers
4. Children sledding,
3. Family parties
2. Mormon temples,

...and a Shooting star over Grand Island.



Sunday, December 07, 2008

Gripe

Where is the Logic?

I'm sure there are many other fans of other teams that have similar gripes?

NFL- Playoffs
NBA- Playoffs
MLB - Playoffs
NHL - Playoffs
College Basketball - Playoffs
College Baseball - Playoffs
I could continue the list.

So why does College Football have to rely on such a pathetic rule system the IRS would be envious of?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Why I am not a Plumber




I've never seen a plumber smile while they are working [seeing them smile when they walk away with your check is not the same].


It's disgusting.



It's physically a pain.


It's mentally a pain.


It's emotionally a pain.


They are the butt of too many jokes.


No one wants to hug you when the job is done [unless you've had a chance to clean yourself up first].


Did I mention pain?


Care to add any of your own?

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Some Boys Never Learn

You would think that after more than 35 years of being a boy, I would learn a thing or two about what to do and what not to do.

Today I discovered that our cat had spent just a little too much time in our garage and was not able to get to her litter box in time. So what did she end up using... my open cordless drill carrying case. To make matters worse, I did not discover this until probably two weeks after the fact.

Fortunately, my cordless drill was not in the case... however, all my little attachments were. So in the spirit of boyness, I grabbed some lighter fluid [can you see where this is going?], dumped the contents onto the garage floor, struck a match, and viola! The first few seconds was kinda cool. Who doesn't love a good flammable liquid enhanced fire? Then the mold growing cat pee started to burn off.

That's when the stink came.

That's when reason should have set in.

That's when reason took a leave of absence and I poured more lighter fluid on.

That's when the stink got stinkier.


After all my years of scouting and putting out camp fires the manly way. I should have known what I was getting myself into.

But some boys never learn.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

The Executiuve Jet Set



Yes. It's true. I just got back from flying in one of these things. I highly recommend it. Our company owns two of them and I took a day jaunt on up to visit our sister company in Sioux Falls. Word to Sioux Falls: you have a lovely town. Thanks for the good time.

We left Nebraska around 7:30 in the morning, worked a full day in Sioux Falls and made it back home by 6:00. I could get used to this kind of business travel...now if only I could talk the pilot into doing a barrel roll next time we go.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Coupons For Depends

I must admit that I was quite surprised by what came in the mail the other day. I know I'm getting old. I can feel it in my bones. I'm not as nimble as I once was. Naps are something I dream about being able to take. I've lost one permanent tooth. I wear glasses. I don't have any tattoos or body piercings. I don't own an iPod or any type of mP3 player. I don't even text message.

But come on. I'm not ready for this...




Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Musings

Feel free to add your thoughts:

1. There have been many times I wish I had time to just sit and watch the the prairie grass blow in the wind. I think prairie grass is God's way of compensating those that do not live along the coast.

2. White noise- my favorite white noise comes from the old school style of cool mist vaporizers/humidifiers that were big and round and it only took seconds for beads of moisture to condensate on your face. Turn one of those on and soothe the savage beast.

3. After living a less than luxurious lifestyle for so many years (and now living where it's legalized) I am beginning to understand the lure of lotteries. Who wouldn't like to win a multi-million dollar jackpot just to get beyond the poverty level. Statistically, how many people that earn more than 100,000 ever purchase lottery tickets?

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Old News and New News

Old News:
I've been meaning to ask the following question(s) for some time but have not had time to post my question(s).

A few weeks ago, Tiger Woods made a public apology for some negative comments he had made about hockey.

Why has our world reduced itself to such a pitiful state of insecurity?
Why are we so quick to take offense, just because someone does not agree with us?
Honestly, do you think it was necessary for Tiger Woods to issue his apology? If your answer is in the affirmative, I really want to hear your pathetic reasons why [and there will be no apology from me for calling your reasons "pathetic"].

Bonus feature:
I'm tired of car commercials that try to brag about getting 20 mpg.
20 mpg is nothing to brag about. I had a Yugo back in the 80's that got 45 mpg [without being a hybrid.] Granted it was a small engine, but still...

New News:
We just survived a quick trip to Utah and Colorado. Word to the wise, don't forget your toiletry bag at the hotel. Such action makes for quite the inconvenience for the rest of the trip.

Don't travel on I-70 through Colorado and expect to cover the same distance in the same amount of time as if you were traveling on I-80 or I-40.
Why are all the pine trees on the eastern end of the Rockies dying?

To those we missed seeing during our brief stay, we wish there had been more time. It wasn't anything personal. So don't take offense.

Good neighbor rule:
Neighbor 1 likes to feed the free range bunnies in our neighborhood.
I'd rather build an owl box and let nature take its course.

What would you do in this situation if your garden was on the line? [and I don't want to hear about wire fencing either.]

Saturday, May 24, 2008

At Long Last


I must have been about 8 years old when I first laid my hands upon a Rubik's Cube. It took a long time, but I remember finally learning how to solve one side...and then I figured out how to solve two sides...[anyone who has solved the entire puzzle knows that that is nothing to brag about, because it does not put you any closer to solving all six].

Now, about a zillion years later, my 9 year old ended up with a cube of his own. Thanks to a good teacher [yes I snatched it out of his hands] and learning about algorithms, I can now enter into the elite solver's club. Now I just can't decide on which color of jacket to buy.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

It 's New To Me


One of the things that I am loving about living here in Nebraska is the birds. Having been raised most of my life in [suburban] Utah, I was pretty much limited to seeing seagulls, starlings, and three robins.

Brazil had parrots and urabu [vultures].

Texas had great tailed grackles and mourning doves.

But Nebraska has robins aplenty, common grackles, mourning doves, blue jays, cardinals, red-wing black birds, wood peckers, sparrows, seagulls hawks, vultures, owls...and until we learn to hate them, squirrels.

Granted, those that have grown up with such birds may not share my enthusiasm and that's okay. If you grew up around these birds and still haven't tired of them, then that's great too.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Office Currency


What a sad state of affairs it can be when your place of work uses paper clips as a form of currency [for favors/services rendered].











...Fortunately we have not reached that point of desperation, yet.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Patent

I have officially decided to remove the patent on being me...or at least allow for certain provisions. Now anyone, anywhere, anyplace...for a small nominal fee can apply to be me.

All parties interested must complete three short essay questions and submit them with a cashiers check made out to me for $99.99. All entries will be carefully screened, considered, and evaluated by me, myself and I. Only those that I/we deem worthy of such an honor will be issued a license to be me. Free and clear.

Please answer the following questions in 100-250 words [each]:

1. Why do you want to be me?


2. What do you hope to accomplish by being me?


3. Why does the sun rise?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Sticks and Stones

Our Chillins can be so darned cute.

We recently celebrated an other anniversary, and in light of their limited resources, our kids put their hearts and mind together to give us each a special rock [almost heart shaped] and sticks with our pictures drawn on them.

Warren Buffett can keep his billions, cause non of that will produce a gift like we got.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Kansas,

Really Kansas, I don't know what your beef with me is all about. You have been a most inhospitable host twice now: the first time was during my first drive to Nebraska and the second time was last night coming back to Nebraska in a moving van. The first time you poured incessantly on me and led me blindly through every skunk trail nestled in your hills. And now this second time, you came back at me with a vengeance: the cascading rain, the gusting wind, and the blizzardy snow.

Don't pretend to act as though I didn't know that just the day before you were a gracious sunny 70 degrees for everyone else. What did I ever do to you to deserve your contempt? Acting so childishly, you should be sent to time out [note to Mr. G. W. Bush, Kansas needs a whooping, send out the National Guard].

Is it my fault the company I work for is located in Nebraksa? If you are going to hold a grudge with anyone, it ought to be with Nebraska. But really, to do so wold be childish. After all, you still have Dorthy.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Monday, February 18, 2008

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Pressing Forward




I think that I may have survived my Martin's Cove...it may very well be a case of counting the chickens before they've hatched.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Darker Side of Feminism

Men have failed
their wives, daughters, and sisters;

the lazy, lax, lingua
where nothing is profane
and ears no longer burn
as habits become adopted,
embraced.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Mining for Diamonds in all the Wrong Places



For about the last 1 ½ months, I have been attending special training meetings, with one or two meetings per week... which brings me to a total of ten meetings. Out of the ten, only one actually pertained to what my particular job function is. In our most recent training meeting, I was given an overview of COBOL and how our company uses it with an IBM server. This was one of those “bored to tears” moments where I was ready to give a primal scream or a yawp.

With each one of these meetings, I have tried to go into them with the hopes of finding at least one valuable nugget of information, something I can take away from the meeting and actually use or apply to my own daily grind. However, I really don’t need to know anything about hexadecimal or how many characters can be assigned to a specific line of code. Surely this is a Dilbert in action situation. Another despairing factor to all this is that these meetings are all passive. We sit and listen, while someone lectures. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!



btw- feel free to share your favorite Dilbert moment.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Bobby is Giving Me and TTU Up for Lent


I've broken Uncle Bobby's heart by moving to Nebraska. I mean now that I'm no longer there cheering at all of his games...it must have taken its toll. Perhaps he thought I'd come back eventually, but after one month turned into two months and two months turned into... If only he knew I have plans on attending the TTU vs the Huskers.

What can I do to patch things up?

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Lamp Post Speaks to Me


It all began a couple of months ago. Each day at work as I walked past it in the parking lot, it would rattle. At first I thought it was just the wind blowing, causing it vibrate in such a manner.

However, without fail, it is silent as the grave until I get within a few yards of it and then the rattling begins, by the time I get a few yards beyond it, the rattling stops.

So now I have this dilemma on my hands. Do I talk back to it? If so, do I try to mimic the rattling sounds? Do I just speak to it in English and hope it understands? Do I just give it the nod of my head [acknowledging it, but I’m in too much of a hurry to talk to you right now sort of way]? Do I go for non verbal communication and give it a hug? What if it’s a male lamp post? That would be uncomfortable for both of us. What if it’s female? Would that be the taking the path of infidelity?

So what’s the proper etiquette and protocol for such an occasion?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Open Letter to the Post Master General [can you be demoted, or it that a life sentence?]



Through rain, snow, sleet, or…what was the rest of it? Well apparently, you forgot to mention that except when your crew is feeling lazy. My better half was expecting a very important package today from the post office. It was one of them there packages that require a signature in order to receive said package. Which also involves the mailperson to actually get out of their steering wheel is on the wrong side vehicle, walk up to your door, knock [ring the doorbell], and wait for a response, so the intended recipient can actually do their part in signing for the item in question [for which extra money was paid out,… to have the mailperson make it all the way to the door]. My dear, sweet wife was home all day, only to find in our mailbox…the note. The note from the post office informing her that “Sorry we missed you, now you have to come to us to get your package” note. So not happy! So not cool.

Yours truly,

Disenchanted Shattered Dreams of Heroes Long Gone
What can Brown do for Me?

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Questions That Need Answering


1. Can anyone tell me what good is there in having a corporate discount at a tire store, if the discount prices at the store are more expensive than the competitor's non discount price?




2. Place your bets early: Will the groundhog see his/her shadow next month?




3. Why in the name of the seven mad gods who rule the finance world, have they not figured out a fast track for assumable mortgages?




4. If the world were to end tomorrow, what plans would you have to scrap in order to prepare?



5. Where were you on the night of May 25, 1991?





and...




6. What are the advantages to being you?

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

2008



















What’s in store for the Puxa Meu in 2008?

· A crisp new look!
· Bigger, better stories!
· More pictures!
· More puxa!
· More meu!
· More posts!



Let’s be honest here. I cannot, I will not promise any of these things. I can only maintain good intentions of sharing bits and pieces of my sometimes chaotic, sometimes mundane life.