Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Scat Packer-outers

This post is dedicated to my Dad. This picture says it all.

Disclaimer: While I am not equating scat [family friendly blog term] packer outers with varmit lovers, I will use the terms interchangeably beacuse to some, they are all a part of the same family. I am not putting down anyone that enjoys the outdoors. However, famers and ranchers typically have mutual feelings about the prairie dog...hence the above picture is good for a goad or gentle poke in the ribs.]

So the story behind the picture [this is not my car]. We were all a gettin excited for a goin to the library to see the Batman and Superman animated movie by WB. It was free and something to do in podunk. as we unloaded the brood from the rockin mini-van, my eyes were directed to the back end of this vehicle [for those who are unawares, Lubbock is a home to a protected pararie dog community...some feel they'ze ona road to extinctshun jus like them dinosawers] So I had to take a picture cause I knew it would elicit a string of colorful metaphors that will probably be heard from miles away. Go ahead dad, I'm listening. Tee hee. It ought to be better than the humming from the mountains near "Longwinded" Arizona [a subtle movie plug...any takers?]

So I will be sure to direct all these prairie dog lovers to Western Colorado, where hopefully, someone can help them understand that the priarie dog is not a dying breed. I'm sure my folks will leave the light on for you.

btw: At the aformentioned movie [Batman and Superman], I walked away as the proud owner of a 16" soft-n-cuddly- Batman doll...without removable clothes [thankgoodness]. I answered the Batman trivia question correctly. I was a hero in the eyes of my kids that day. It was a good day.

What is Wrong with this Picture?

It is like a plague. nekid Barbies everywhere. They just seem to sprout wherever you don't want them. They are like a weed. I doubt you could find a room in our house without a nekid Barbie. It is because of events such as these that turns perfectly good PG movies into trashy PG-13 movies, No? Why the kids prefer to play with them a-natural, I will never know [Get your minds out of the gutter]. I was looking through some other pictures we've taken this year and there is more than just this one that inconspicuously has a nekid Barbie in it.

For Any Calvin and Hobbes fans, there is a classic that has Calvin's dad trying to take pictures of Calvin and with every shot, Calvin is making some sort of face or refusing to hold still. In another caption, the two parents are discussing how they can possibly send any pictures to other members of their family. Calvin's mom makes the statement to the effect, "Well that is Calvin" [meaning, anything else would be a false portrayal].

So my question is, are we doomed to forever be the family of the nekid Barbies? Can we ever truthfully show humanity anything else that accurately reflects who we really are?

Monday, December 11, 2006

Show me a Sign?

Early this morning I arose before Mr. Sun pulled back his covers and yawned. I had heard rumors that three of the planets were congregating and meeting on the eastern horizon for some pre- breakfast Einstein Bagels and chocolate milk.

I don’t know what kinda click these three were trying to form or why the other planets were excluded. Let’s see if a bit of deductive reasoning can help us out here.

The three planets are Mercury, Mars and Jupiter. What brings them together?

First of all, anyone is fool to not include Jupiter…Hello….he’s like the biggest, baddest of the bunch and could swallow any of the others whole. Besides, who can compete with such an awe-some beauty spot?

That brings us to Mars…the warrior. He’s small, but feisty like a Tasmanian devil. Could serve as an enforcer to Jupiter’s policies. Besides, they’re practically neighbors.

Mercury is the biggest mystery. Size wise, he’s hardly a blip on the radar. But he’s quick and sneaky. Reconnaissance. Jupiter needs an informer.

So now we have a reason or two as to why these three were huddled, calling the next play. So why weren’t the rest a part of the action?

Venus-There is beauty and Jupiter could use a woman at his side, but Venus is kinda like that black widow…seductive and treacherous…. Like a Venus Fly Trap. They were smart to leave her out.

Earth- who wants to deal with her and all her issues? Wars, famine, politics, Britney Spears….?
If ever there was a “one of these kids is not like the other, one of these kids is doing his own thing….”

Saturn- Sources tell, that Saturn and Jupiter used to be the bestest buds until it was discovered that Jupiter had rings too and the novelty associated with Saturn wore off. Since then, Saturn has been feeling a bit snubbed and rightly so, but who am I to tell Jupiter that Saturn is still a cool planet.

Uranus- The guy is always sleeping, maybe if he ever woke up to check his email, he might see the invitation to the party.

Neptune- With his “great dark spot” trying to be like Jupiter, sorta has an Incredi-boy to Mr. Incredible relationship. I’m sure Jupiter signed every piece of scrap paper that was shoved his way. Who cares if Neptune is his number one fan. Word to the Jupiter, watch your back for a “Syndrome”.

Pluto- Pluto was basically kicked out of the planet club. Who wants to be associated with a nobody?…even though I still love you Pluto. You’ll always be a planet in my heart.

Anyway, so there I was in the cold pre-dawn morning, looking at these three and wondering to myself, where does this leave me? Is it a sign? Are good things headed my way or, should I take cover and build my bomb bunker?

btw, It wasn't as cool as I thought it was going to be, so if you missed out, you really did not miss out.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Pick your Poison or Chose Your Own Blogging Adventure

The Importance of Wearing a Helmet?

Last night My wiffy and I were on a date and as part of our date we found
ourselves browsing the aisles of Toys-R-Us, looking for prospective presents for
our chillins.  Lo and behold we saw a picture of a kid bouncing on a
pogo-stick, wearing a helmet. Can anyone cite for me an instance of a child
injuring their head while playing on a pogo-stick? Should they wear helmets
while playing jump rope and hop scotch as well? For extra precaution, let's put
them on their heads while they play tag and hide-n-seek, taking a bath and
eating at the table [that chair is kind of a high place to fall from].

Or if you do not want to discuss safety and helmets...

Lubbock Sky