Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Immitation, the Highest Form of Flattery: Jolly Porter

I'm always amazed at the stuff I manage to dig up: Here's an excerpt from a little known a conversation between two contemporaries of the 1800's: Jack London and Stephen Crane.

CRANE: So I hear you have a new book out.

LONDON: Yes. It's called White Fang.

CRANE: Is that some sort of vampire story?

LONDON: If it was, I'd have to call it Red Fang.

CRANE: Oh yeah. That makes sense.

LONDON: Besides, the media is already oversaturated with vampire and werewolf stories. Mine is about a relationship that develops between a boy and a wolf.

CRANE: So you broke from the pack by dropping the "were" part of wolf.

LONDON: You're quite the comedian… break from the pack. Pack. Wolf.

CRANE: I found sitting in a row boat for days on end, trying to reach the shore can have a huge impact on ones sense of humor. It can either make it or break it. After all, my "ship mates" weren't quite the most… uh how do I say it, savory folk to have on board.

LONDON: Anyway, I figured because Call of the Wild was such a huge success, I'd revisit the whole man versus canine versus nature gig. Besides, most of my fan base are a bunch of tree hugging granola eaters and they're into the whole recycling movement.

CRANE: So you're telling me that I didn't have to sweat and toil, strut and fret, labor and worry, pace the floor late into the night trying to come up with fresh new ideas. I could have stuck with my wounded war time soldier routine and just write war novels?

LONDON: Word to the wise: water follows the path of least resistance. My friend, all that extra worry about writing something new and original will just lead to an early grave. But that would also require you to acquire a new fan base and mine is already spoken for.

CRANE: So you're telling me you're not willing to share the spoils eh?

LONDON: Who do I look like, Charles Dickens?

CRANE: No. But with a name like London, you might as well be.

LONDON: See, you're being a wise guy again.

CRANE: It's almost second nature these days. Can I at least get you to autograph my copy of your book?

LONDON: As long as you don't ask me to go sailing with you.

CRANE: Now look who's being funny.

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