Sunday, November 25, 2007

An Open Letter To Those That Post The News In Cyberspace

I really care about how Britney Spears spent her Thanksgiving [even though I had to wait until three days later to find out]! I care about her getting pulled over for wreckless driving and endangerment of a child [because they were crawling back and forth over the front seat], as she was beating her two kids with half-eaten turkey drumsticks because they insisted on listening to Hanna Montana on the radio instead of retro nineties Spice Girls. I enjoy reading about Rosie O'Donnell starting up a soup kitchen just so she can serve tofuturkey shaped like George Bush. I really care about Michael Jackson inviting his plastic surgeon’s kids to his “Never Land” ranch for a Thanksgiving feast, never to be outdone.

It really touches me deeply. I get tired of the same old boring stories of “getting together with the family, sitting around the table, stuffing ourselves with turkey and all the fixins, enjoying each other’s company. Forget about how more than 200,000 US troops had to spend their Thanksgiving abroad. That’s not important. Keep the focus where it matters most. After all, using Hollywood’s measuring stick [how celebrities live their lives] has always left me feeling good about myself. It improves my self image. They are as constant as the North Star. I really don’t know how I could make it through my day without my daily dose of Spears. For this I applaud you all. Keep up the good work,

Yours truly and always devoted,


[disclaimer: These stories may or may not be true (definately could be true), but there really was an article about how different celebs celebrated the holiday...Britney's name was at the top of the list]


compulsive writer said...

But there was a shocking lack of news about La Lohan. Does she prefer her cranberries whole or jellied? Inquiring minds need to know!

mayday said...

That is a fabulous post. I think it needs to spread to the rest of the country. They need to read it too.
Poor Britney....

~cari~ said...

Britney needs to escape to some far away, secluded place for a few years and get her life in control. It's so sad.