Saturday, November 17, 2007

My Date With WalMart




Last night I went on a date with WalMart. She was the one who initiated the date. Me of all people. I mean with her popularity and star like status, she picked me, a lonely, small, and insignificant guy that has never come close to being in the lime light. So, after work I decided to give it a whirl…good thing I was already dressed for the occasion.

I went to pick her up at her place. She had asked if I knew how to get there [and I’m thinking who doesn’t know how to get there? It’s like not being able to find Texas. It’s huge]. The moment I pulled into her driveway, I could see that she was already awaiting my arrival. Her door was wide open. I didn’t even have to knock. One of her servants [she has about a zillion of them] greeted me at the door and invited me to make myself at home.

To start the date off, she insisted that I let her own personal beautician cut my hair [who gets a hair cut on a date? But I consented. Afterall, it was practically a scalp massage!]. Besides, I could hardly refuse. I mean we are talking about WalMart. After my haircut she began to show me around.

So there we were, and all WalMart could do is talk about herself. She didn’t even compliment me on my new look. She told me all about her clothes [where they came from, who designed them, how much they costs]. She told me all about what she had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner [and everything in-between…you’d think she was part hobbit]. I must say that I was impressed with the amount of material goods she has stocked in her home. At first I tried to be polite and listen attentively. I tried to pretend that she only had eyes for me, but that WalMart-she’s a player! She was constantly checking out other potential suitors. I tried to bring this to her attention, but she told me to quit being jealous. “It’s not like we’re engaged yet or anything”. So I grabbed my things, told her if she couldn’t be courteous enough to show me some respect and individualized attention, then I was leaving. “Fine!” she said and even had the nerve to suggest that I would be back. That I couldn’t resist her allure.

By the end of the date, I had spent just a little less than $50 and on the way out, one of her servants essentially referred to me as “being a cheap date”. So I ask you, my readers: first,is $50 too little to spend on a date? [It’s not like this was Prom night or anything]. Secondly, is it immature of me to alter her picture like that? Lastly, would you go back if you were me?

5 comments:

Christy said...

I'm wondering if I saw you there. Not that I know what you look like. It's like, if I see you but I don't know who you are did I really see you?

I waited in line for about 5 min. waiting to get a haircut but I figured I'd save myself the money/time and just cut my bangs at home.

My date cost a little bit more than $50...gotta stock up that food storage for winter!

~cari~ said...

I'd say you're pretty good getting through a date with Wal Mart for under $50.

sue-donym said...

I wouldn't go back. Especially not between now and Christmas.

Melody said...

I just finished making the jello salad, cranberry/orange sauce, green been casserole. Before I start on the coconut cream pie. (We're eating late) I decided to visit a few of my blog friends.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that WalMart, whom I thought was a guy, is a two-timing cross-dresser . . maybe more than two-timing. I spent a good hour with him yesterday. He provided all I needed for my Thanksgiving feast and acted like I was the apple of his eye. He even suggested he could give a lot more if I were open to that...I'm not sure what to say. I feel so hurt and confused.

Happy Day, Lyle. You make me laugh.

compulsive writer said...

Under $50? You got off easy:)