Thursday, January 11, 2007

Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave When First We Practice to Deceive

Good evening all y’all.

This afternoon in this room, from this chair, I am coming clean before the blogging world in regards to some of my past posts. I was put to the question and must lay the truth before the world.

I answered their questions truthfully, including questions about my private life, questions no American citizen would ever want to answer.

Still, I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight.

As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my relationship with Bobby Knight. While my answers were legally inaccurate, I did not volunteer information.

Indeed, I have never met with Bobby Knight. In fact, it was all a lie. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible. [sobb sobb. snif sniff. weep weep]

But I told my family and I say to you now that at no time did I ask anyone else to lie [although I do recall helping pappy convince his daughter that I was really on the court with BK], to hide or to take any other unlawful action.

I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people, including my hair stylist. I deeply regret that. [sobb sobb. snif sniff. weep weep]
-go to commercial
[Welcome back]

While I am coming clean with that, I should also confess that I have never had a family bar-b-que with Sonny Pope. I have never even been to his house. I just let everyone believe it, in the hopes of getting others to believe that I was moving up on the Pope’s adoption list so they would back down and leave me as the sole contender.
dim lights-
camera 1 pans to a waving U.S. flag,
camera 2 pans to a picture of a church
camera 3 pans to a picture of a boy with his mother
-go to commercial

The first confession, if you didn’t already recognize it, was heavily borrowed from.


Pappy Yokum said...

Well, Bill (I mean Lyle) it's nice to finally see you come clean. The only thing is, now what will I tell my children? I believed you, then they believed you - I may have to extort some money from you to ease the pain and to pay for the tear stains they left on one of my best shirts.

compulsive writer said...

I know. You did it because you could.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Typical celebrity style confession. Except, you left out that you blame it all on your out-of-control Twinkie bingeing problem, and that you'll be getting help at the Rosie O'Donnell Twinkie Rehabilitation Clinic.

mayday said...

I am proud of you. I don't know if I could have been so brave.

Lyle said...

pappy- You're welcome to the shirt I was wearing that was airburshed out of the picture.

compulsive- it's a power rush fer sure.

elastic- how'd you know about the twinkie binge? I'm on the waiting list to get in.

mayday-thanks for being so understanding...[sniff] you and davey have always been such strong supporters.

~cari~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~cari~ said...

Good of you to come clean. It's a hard thing to do and we all admire you for it. :)
Speaking of Bill father-in-law sent this picture of a Washington D.C. elementary class taken approximately 8 years after Bill's stay in Washington. Hmmmmm... :)

Lyle said...

cari- so the question is [for those kids] Who's your daddy?

Anonymous said...

your hair dresser appreciates the confession, and will now resume hair treatment.

Lyle said...

anon- Thanks. So does next Friday fit into your schedule?

luckyzmom said...

I guess you had to be there?