Thursday, January 11, 2007

Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave When First We Practice to Deceive


Good evening all y’all.

This afternoon in this room, from this chair, I am coming clean before the blogging world in regards to some of my past posts. I was put to the question and must lay the truth before the world.

I answered their questions truthfully, including questions about my private life, questions no American citizen would ever want to answer.

Still, I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight.

As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my relationship with Bobby Knight. While my answers were legally inaccurate, I did not volunteer information.

Indeed, I have never met with Bobby Knight. In fact, it was all a lie. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible. [sobb sobb. snif sniff. weep weep]

But I told my family and I say to you now that at no time did I ask anyone else to lie [although I do recall helping pappy convince his daughter that I was really on the court with BK], to hide or to take any other unlawful action.

I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people, including my hair stylist. I deeply regret that. [sobb sobb. snif sniff. weep weep]
-go to commercial
____________________________________________
[Welcome back]

While I am coming clean with that, I should also confess that I have never had a family bar-b-que with Sonny Pope. I have never even been to his house. I just let everyone believe it, in the hopes of getting others to believe that I was moving up on the Pope’s adoption list so they would back down and leave me as the sole contender.
dim lights-
camera 1 pans to a waving U.S. flag,
camera 2 pans to a picture of a church
camera 3 pans to a picture of a boy with his mother
-go to commercial

The first confession, if you didn’t already recognize it, was heavily borrowed from. http://www.zpub.com/un/un-bc-sp1.html

11 comments:

Pappy Yokum said...

Well, Bill (I mean Lyle) it's nice to finally see you come clean. The only thing is, now what will I tell my children? I believed you, then they believed you - I may have to extort some money from you to ease the pain and to pay for the tear stains they left on one of my best shirts.

compulsive writer said...

I know. You did it because you could.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Typical celebrity style confession. Except, you left out that you blame it all on your out-of-control Twinkie bingeing problem, and that you'll be getting help at the Rosie O'Donnell Twinkie Rehabilitation Clinic.

mayday said...

I am proud of you. I don't know if I could have been so brave.

Lyle said...

pappy- You're welcome to the shirt I was wearing that was airburshed out of the picture.

compulsive- it's a power rush fer sure.

elastic- how'd you know about the twinkie binge? I'm on the waiting list to get in.

mayday-thanks for being so understanding...[sniff] you and davey have always been such strong supporters.

~cari~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~cari~ said...

Good of you to come clean. It's a hard thing to do and we all admire you for it. :)
Speaking of Bill Clinton...my father-in-law sent this picture of a Washington D.C. elementary class taken approximately 8 years after Bill's stay in Washington. Hmmmmm... :)

Lyle said...

cari- so the question is [for those kids] Who's your daddy?

Anonymous said...

your hair dresser appreciates the confession, and will now resume hair treatment.

Lyle said...

anon- Thanks. So does next Friday fit into your schedule?

luckyzmom said...

I guess you had to be there?