Saturday, April 07, 2007

Renting Rudolph in the Off-season

EASTER BUNNY: Yo Santa! Lean your ear this way.

SANTA CLAUSE: Make it quick, I’ve got to go check out the new fawns.

EASTER BUNNY: Santa, mind if I call you Kris? It is Kris right?

SANTA CLAUSE: Yes. Mind if I call you Peter?

EASTER BUNNY: All’s fair. You see, I’ve got a proposition for you.

SANTA CLAUSE: It’s not something illegal is it? I’ve got an image to maintain. Can’t have myself on my own naughty list.

EASTER BUNNY: Kris, what kind of bunny do you think I am? ...Don’t answer that. No, it’s perfectly legit. You see, there’s this snow storm over west Texas and it’s like Easter and all and snow tends to kinda slow me down a bit. (beat)

SANTA CLAUSE: And where do I fit into your dilemma Peter?

EASTER BUNNY: I was wondering if I could rent Rudolph...ya know with this being your off-season and all.

SANTA CLAUSE: Rent Rudolph? Why I must say that this is a first.

EASTER BUNNY: As you know, snow this time of year is rare...especially in Texas. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about the snow, but Texas is really, really big and I’m afraid that I would get slowed down to the point of not finishing my rounds until lunch on Tuesday...and I’m kinda small and don’t think I could last until’s not like I came prepared, I was never a boy scout. They don’t have scouts for bunnies...but that’s beside the point. Now where was I? Oh yes, I didn’t plan on bringing extra food with me and all that chocolate is great and all but it’s not very filling...why I’d look more like a mangy jackrabbit with a tape worm come Tuesday. I too have an image to maintain.

SANTA CLAUSE: So you were hopping that I would rent Rudolph for the day?

EASTER BUNNY: Did you just say hopping?

SANTA CLAUSE: Couldn’t resist the pun.

EASTER BUNNY: Yes. I would like to rent Rudolph for the be more guide me through this storm so that I can deliver all the Easter goods before tomorrow morning.

SANTA CLAUSE: What are you willing to offer? I’m not about to fill stockings with 8 month old hard-boiled eggs.

EASTER BUNNY: As it so happens, I have a surplus of chocolate. Chocolate has a longer shelf life. All you and your elves would have to do is rewrap them in Christmas deco. I could probably provide 2/3 of your yearly quota for next Christmas.

SANTA CLAUSE: That’s a lot of chocolate and a lot of labor involved with the rewrapping and all.

EASTER BUNNY: ok. Ok. I’ll throw in my own wrapping machine. All you have to do is place the chocolates on your conveyor belt and my machine will do the rest.

SANTA CLAUSE: They’re not all going to be egg and bunny shaped chocolate candies are they? That would seem a bit odd. Kids are getting brighter and brighter every year you know.

EASTER BUNNY: No no no no. It would be all the Hershey, Doves, Reeses...all the cross seasonal stuff.

SANTA CLAUSE: Well Peter, it sounds like you’ve made yourself a deal. Let me go introduce you to Rudolph.

EASTER BUNNY: Man Kris. You’re the greatest. Everything the kids say about you is true

SANTA CLAUSE: let’s not go overboard. Brown nosing is soooo unbecoming of someone like you.

(enter the reindeer Hilton)

EASTER BUNNY: Wow! It really does glow so bright. Like a light bulb

RUDOLPH: Who’s this clown?

SANTA CLAUSE: Meet your new best friend...for the night.



compulsive writer said...

LOVE the pun!

You're a funny guy:)

Queen Scarlett said...

FUN read...clever. Sorry you have snow...

Lucky Red Hen said...

I just came over to tell you I've missed seeing you on my blog. I like your comments... a LOT.

Papa J said...

I think the Easter Bunny needs to take a negotiating class. For that much chocolate he could have gotten the whole team.

Anonymous said...

Liability? Does anyone ever think what would happen if we lost Rudolph? Now THAT would be egg in Santa's face.

My wife just hit me. She said that pun was no good. But the delete button is broken on my computer, so whatever happens, happens.

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Thanks a lot May.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Yeah well, I made a secret deal with Cupid. Every year I buy closeout boxes of sampler chocolates at Christmas. I then rewrap them in festive heart motif paper and pass them off as thoughtful Valentine's gifts.

Easter Bunny? Pshaw. What an amateur.

~cari~ said...

Very clever Lyle! What are you a writer or something?

Melody said...

Love it! Great story.

My sister lived in West Texas for a while. She called it West Hell.

So does this mean Hell has frozen over? Does this mean I have to do all those things that I promised to do when ... well, you know ... my ex-husband will be really happy.

Melody said...

P.S. Sometime it would be fun to open a discussion about the odd combination of pagan & christian worship we all so love to engage in...

wendysue said...

Yes, I think up next should be a new 'league' of superheros. Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth fairy, bring 'em all in!

p.s. I made that reciepe you had posted for those oatmeal caramel cookie bar thingys. Oh my goodness! They were so good last night that I had two for breakfast. Thanks!

Lyle said...

Compulsive- oh the flattery
Queen- I’ll send the snow your way
Lucky- my apologies.
Papa j- Desperation does not breed logic
Davey- That May! I knew she was a trouble maker. [Keep at it May]
Elastic- how much are lessons from the master?
Cari- Sometimes. Not nearly with enough frequency
Melody- West Texas and West Hell…hmmmmm…A rose by any other name…
West Hell does have some redeeming qualities. What’s the point of being Satan if you can’t mess up Christian Holidays?
Wendysue- Now that we have the new league of superheroes, who are the super villains? Glad you enjoyed them. All the oatmeal in them makes them perfectly suitable for breakfast. I’m sure they’re more nutritious than Fruit Loops.